My Testimony

Ok guys, I figured you should know my testimony. Everything in our lives happens for a reason, and me sharing this with you is one of the reasons why it all happened to me. Just a warning, it's quite long...
*Warning* My story is very long: When I was 3 I was saved, when I was 6 I was baptized in the Holy Spirit, and by the time I was 7 I was a fervent prayer warrior. I believe in the gift of speaking in tongues, so that will be part of my story, but for any of you who don't, I won't judge you; that's just one of the ways I worship Jesus. I'll tell you how all of this happened, but these are the key points of my testimony:
1.losing the gift of speaking in tongues
2. the calling of my life to full-time missions overseas
3. making the decision to read my Bible every day
4. sick thoughts
5. losing my joy
6. re-dedication of my life and the witnessing to my friends.

When I was little, I was convinced that God had called me to the mission field. I didn't know where He wanted me, but that didn't matter at the time. I just knew that I was going to do anything He wanted of me, no matter how hard that was. I was (and still partly am) a picky eater, so I would pray and ask Jesus to take that away from me. After this mind set faded, something happened that I can't really explain. It's not that I moved completely away from God, but I didn't feed my spirit with the Word that Jesus provides for us. I was starving my spiritual body. That had a great effect on me and my gift of speaking in tongues. I lost that gift because I didn't use it, until it got to the point that I couldn't live the life I was living. Now you may be sitting there thinking, "She has no idea what true suffering really is. She's never done drugs or cut herself or done some of the things that I have done or that my friends have done." To an extent, you are correct. I might live a very good life compared to some of you, but it doesn't matter what home you live in- you can still be starving in a spiritual aspect. What woke me back to Jesus came at summer youth camp. I was worshiping, when I got the gift of speaking in tongues back. That same week I had a vision. I saw a starving young Asian girl with flies buzzing around her head with a longing in her eyes like I have never seen in anyone else. She wanted me to share with her what I had. This brought back the childhood dream of becoming a missionary. I now feel a calling on my life to Asian missions. (There's a whole other story about why I feel I specifically called to Burma, but that doesn't really apply right now. ) I think it was that same night, I felt I was supposed to tell this guy that God had a plan for his life. He started crying and told me that he had been thinking some suicidal thoughts. Wow, was I shocked! I had absolutely no idea. You certainly wouldn't know by looking at him. We prayed for probably an hour or more. This all went to show me the potential relationship I could have with Jesus every day if I just read my Bible and sought Him. I made a commitment to read the Bible every day. Well, that fell through. During the time that I wasn't reading my Bible, I began to have sick, sinful thoughts. They controlled my life. I knew I had to get out of that sin, so I began to pray. "LORD get me out of this. Only you have control over my life. I depend upon you fully and give it all up to you." After a youth convention where the speaker told us to get rid of these thoughts, I gave everything in my brain to God, and he renewed my mind. After that I lost my joy. Sounds ridiculous probably, but it happened. I wasn't depressed, but I was very pessimistic. I always had a bad attitude, and it was rubbing off on others. I began to search the Word and find scriptures like, "The joy of the LORD is my strength,." If the joy of the LORD is our strength, then what can we do without it? We surely would be very weak. Although I sometimes still have trouble with this area of my life, I am healed from that pessimism. In between this and the next part of the testimony, I started to doubt God. I knew in my heart that He was there, but I wasn't experiencing Him, which truly stumped my brain. I am very visual a lot of the time, so it was hard for me to accept something I couldn't see. I got down on my knees at the altar and confessed. I was relieved of that sin. Every time it would come up, I would remember giving it over to God. Lately I went to a youth event where the speaker challenged us to reach out to those around us, but first for us make sure we are right with God. I re-dedicated my life and focus to Jesus and to reaching others for Him. I figure that if I can't even reach out to others around me, how in the world will I be able to be a missionary in Asia? I felt like I should fast what was getting in the way of our relationship for 30 days- thinking about a certain young man. Now I have made a commitment not to date until I feel it is the right time, but this was to get any temptations away from me. (That's another story as well about why I feel as a 14 year-old I don't need to date.) Ever since then I have witnessed to some friends, and have TOTALLY reached a new level in my relationship with God. It's amazing. I wonder sometimes how people live without Jesus Christ. I now read my Bible every day, although I am still struggling with comprehending what I read. I am trying to get to a level where I can read the Bible and get something out of it- not just go through the motions. This comprehension is starting to come, somewhat slowly, and I love that Jesus shows me daily the progress I have made. The last things I need is to do things because I feel like I have to. I am so excited for what God has in store and am so glad to see that He has brought me from sad places into a life of love and repentance. Thank you JESUS! Sorry it was so long, Amy ♥